So, here we are! My very first blog post!
Where the hell do we begin?
...Uh. Well. First of all, happy Pride! It's been about 3 and a half years since I fully came out of the closet, so there's something. I always think about when I first came out as pan (which is now an obselete label in reference to myself) in which my parents misheard "pansexual" as "transsexual". Oh, if only they knew how right they were! And how wrong I was!
This month is gonna be chock full of things to do, so I'm bracing to drop some of my projects temporarily. This website may be one of them for a while, but I'm sure there will be no shortage of blog posts, as they are very easy to write. Wahoo!
Right now, I'm finishing my long-overdue listen to PointCrow's video: "I watched ice melt for 10 hours so you don't have to". It's an interesting podcast-type video that has some good tidbits about content creation and other miscellaneous things. I've been chewing through it every time I need white noise or can't find anything else to listen to on YouTube, and today has been, overwhelmingly, one of those days.
This, among other things, has gotten me thinking about the content that I create-- in other words, my art. I have a Twitter account that I have owned for countless years, and I've been posting art on it since the beginning of time. I've always had this dream of becoming at least mildly famous-- enough to get at least one non-friend comment per post. Yet, through some mixture of utterly failing at surfing the algorithm, my refusal to consistently draw anything but my OCs or my more niche interests, a possible shadowban for... something(?), and inadvertently constructing the most retweet-resistant follower base possible, I have stagnated around 400 mostly-dormant followers.
I realize I must sound so poisoned in the brain, talking about this like I do. Social media is not my livelihood-- I have a stable home and job, I don't need to get the attention and money of others on the internet to continue living. I recognize what fame, especially Twitter fame does to you. Yet, I still want it. I want to at least break 1K followers on that hellish bird site, just to prove something. I know my art is good, so I suppose part of me is jealous about others who I perceive as "worse" getting more attention than me. Proving I am worth it to other people, I hope, would sate the demon.
I do dearly miss DeviantArt. It sucks to have to climb your way up on sites clearly not meant for artists, or ones that are exclusively meant to cater to popular fandoms, or ones that are run by shady folks... I know "new thing bad, old thing good" is a popular mentality on here, but you truly could not get anything better now. Something that doesn't help now, I think, is that many new denizens of the internet seem adverse to sharing others' posts.
But maybe I just suck at social media!
As time has gone on, I've been retreating further and further into my corner on the internet. I'm probably the most insulated from trends out of my social circle (for better or worse), and I've found I'm generally happier for it. This desire to find a nicer place to call home on the web brought me here, to Neocities. Here, I can share my interests with anyone who will stop by to listen without fear of being swept away because the things I enjoy are things that only I actively think about anymore. That kind of freedom is rare, in this era of the internet.
This is why I am positively ecstatic about the prospect of blogging here! There are infinite possibilities as to what I could subject you to, and this fills me with glee! Behind this one-way mirror, I have absolutely no idea just how many people I am reaching, and my anxiety-riddled brain therefore cannot yell at me for wasting an indeterminate amount of people's time. Isn't this amazing?
Ah... but, as of now, it is nearly 1:00 AM. Instead of further constructing my metaphorical Medley Containment Chamber, I think my time would be better spent going to bed. So this is what I will leave you with, dear reader, and I hope you return for the next installment... whenever that is posted.
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for taking interest in what I have to say.