Escaping the Torture Labyrinth

Posted on: 07/10/2023

It's a beautiful day outside. There's a pleasant breeze, it's not too hot, mostly sunny... and I have finally finished filing those legal documents I had sitting on my desk for MONTHS. Just yesterday, I finished a massive PNGtuber commission that had also, similarly, been on the backburner for a long while. Little by little, I'm escaping the torture labyrinth.

The front half of this year has been primarily marked by a particular malaise. To be honest, it hasn't quite dissipated. I'm sleepier than I've ever been, and I find myself able to do less and less. Sometimes I wonder if I have long COVID or if the mental illness is catching up to me. Not much left to do but re-prioritize, though, which is precisely what I'm doing. Little by little, just working on the legal and financial stuff. I still take time to do recreational activities, of course, but not without spending a little time trying to wrestle with my beasts.

Around the end of June, I had a breakdown, and a revelation. I have got to stop spending all my time online. Ever since then, I've been taking physical books outside and reading for half an hour every day in my backyard. I got physical sketchbooks again, too, to further distance myself from my computer. There's only so much I can put between myself and the Internet, though-- it's no secret that pretty much all of my friends are here. Barely any of my high school friendships survived into adulthood, especially considering the COVID thing.

It's not all bad, though. I mean, my approach has been working so far.

Granted, it means that my OCRP stuff has fallen to the wayside, which weighs on my mind a bit. I'm currently at odds with myself, trying to decide if I should just dump the one that I'm running already. I clearly have no time or drive for it, but this would be the upteenth time that I did such a thing, which makes me worry a bit for my reputation. I'm sure my friends understand, logically speaking, but you know how it is with emotions.

Maybe I'll feel different when I don't have all this other baggage, though. As it stands now, I have no monetary commitments to anybody, which is better than I was doing a week ago. I'll just have to tackle everything until I get to the trivial stuff, and then I can think about axing that silly little RP of mine.

Anywho, that job I was talking about last time? I applied, I was in the top 3 of like... 11 candidates? But they didn't take me. Looking back, yeah, I can see why. I'm a little underqualified. Top 3 isn't bad though. Next time they open up a position like that, I'm definitely getting it. That being said, I am getting some new responsibilities, so hopefully I'll get a nice raise this year...

In other news, I'm taking one of those car ferries to Wisconsin this weekend! It'll be my first multiple-day trip traveling alone (I am staying with a friend at least, so I won't be too lonely!) which is terrifying. I've got pretty bad anxiety about doing the wrong thing in unfamiliar social situations... but I'm gonna be sooo brave about it. Just hoping my car doesn't start doing weird shit again, since I'm gonna need that thing to complete my journey.

It's getting to that point in the blog post where I start rambling about nothing in particular, so I'm gonna stop myself here. I hope you have a good day today, or whenever you're reading this. Try going outside if it isn't too miserable! Sit in the grass, or in the sand, somewhere where there's dirt and not concrete. Have a fun drink. Read a real book!

This is Medley, signing off.